Jeff Widman (.com)

My last text file on Being a Gentleman or a Lady received a fair bit of feedback on Facebook (I learned I can setup my Facebook account to automatically import my blog postings–how cool is that?!!)

I thought I might also post another text file I put together with some thoughts on writing a speech, sermon, or talk. This applies mostly to the planning and brainstorming section, not the actual organization and presentation. It’s a good checklist to review for any important verbal presentation.

This is a work in progress, so I welcome additional comments.

-Jeff Widman

———————————————————————————————

*Remember, the end goal of communication is to maximize the audience’s understanding and retention, as well as launch them into practical application, not how much you say.*

*Comfort the afflicted; afflict the comforted.*

Consider the enviroment:
1.) Audience
a.) Age
b.) Knowledge
c.) Intelligence level
d.) Energy level
e.) Interest level (less interest means more repitition and more stories–need to generate emotional buy-in)
f.) Will they agree with my foundational assumptions?
2.) Length of talk
3.) Time of day
4.) Physical location

Consider the subject matter:
No matter whether personal choice or assigned topic you have the ability to customize it and emphasize different parts.
Decide general type of talk: Instructive (merely adding to knowledge) or changing pre-existing beliefs, inspirational, or other…

Have a single end goal sentance that describes the successful outcome: “The audience will…”

Decide whether Deductive (SEIA) or Inductive (IESA):
Statement
Explanation
Illustration
Application

Decide different elements to maximize communication.

Trust (show audience why they should trust you, both intellectually and emotionally)
Emotional tug (lines from songs, stories designed to maximize emotion)
Intellectual tug (poems, and other wordplay, careful explained arguments, derail oppositional arguments)
Experiential tug (stories)
Relational tug
Both love and truth need to be appealed to.

Look for some common threads to flow throughout your entire message. Mention something about your intro in your conclusion–perhaps have both intro and conclusion come from songlines, or something similar. Give the audience lots of hooks to hang onto.
Look for smooth transitions to guide the audience’s minds… don’t force them to leap before they look (intellectually)

Ways to communicate:
Verbal: Tone-words-pauses
Visual: Hands-other body movements-graphics… create & use
Imagination
Touch: Audience participation by incorporating volunteer or hand raising, or having the audience repeat a statement (or especially slowly repeat more and more of a longer statement)
Time: more time, higher emphasis–remember, the medium is the message.

Tangible steps:
1.) Decide topic
2.) Write out speech goal sentence
2.) Decide elements you really want to incorporate
3.) Build an outline by simultaneously creating forward flow and looking to incorporate specific elements
4.) Create a time outline (At major points decide what time you want it to be)–this will allow you to cut out portions of individual points, rather than hit the first points really hard, and then run out of time. This will also give a better picture of emphasis points, and give more control over the lecture to enhance extemporaneous presentation.
5.) Create/smooth transitions and flow–review emotional flow as well
6.) Smooth for repitition and common threads
7.) Review to verify everything flows from the goal sentance and reinforces it.

Things to beware of:
Purposeless stories for just a laugh (even the intro, while maximizing attention, should flow into the single goal statement)
Over exagerating arguments
Ad Hominem arguments against the opposition (even if the truth is weak, stick to it, don’t try and over do your arguments, as it will lead to a lack of trust by your audience)
Don’t forget tangible application suggestions!
Appeal to both N’s (abstract theoretical framework thinkers) and S’s(concrete practical doers.)
Emphasize original source and point people there so you can use the trust they have in the source–for example quoting scripture verbatim as well as restating it in your own words.

Back when I was a junior in highschool, as part of the process of becoming a National Merit Finalist (Think Practice SAT or PSAT) I wrote a 500 word essay.

I still consider this essay one of my most concisely written pieces–and one of my favorites:

——————————————————————————————–

The Magical 4.0

As I walked to the front of the class and began to read, I found it impossible to think; I could only read each word one at a time. It was the last day of finals, and I was presenting my narrative project to my English class. Only four days earlier, my dreams had been shattered. I had lost my 4.0. Struggling for an “A” throughout the quarter, it had come down to the very last test; I needed to get a 98. When the teacher returned my test, an 89.5 glared in red at the top of the page. Even more painful was the inner questioning that had immediately followed. My narrative project became my analytical tool as I struggled to make sense of my loss. Re-telling the event in the third-person, I shoved my emotions aside and asked the questions I previously had not dared to face.

As the quarter had progressed everything else had faded except this goal of maintaining my 4.0. Every spare moment had been spent studying Chemistry, or revising my World Literature essay. My friends had become strangers. Because I had been consistently going to bed after midnight, my performance in Track had suffered–I no longer had any chance of running in the State meet.

But how could I distill this experience into a narrative? Could I adequately describe the effort that had gone into my 4.0, or how close I had come to getting an A, only to see it pulled just out of my reach on the very last test? Would my audience even care? Would they understand how hard I worked for perfection, how I expected perfection–how I was used to perfection? Would they understand what it meant to lose perfection?

I labored over my narrative to shorten it–every time I started typing it would just grow and grow. The ending was the biggest challenge; it wasn’t until I started typing the last paragraph that I came up with the idea of a happy-ever-after ending, the ending I almost had, where I scored a 99 instead of an 89.5.

Not until after my presentation, as I shared my reflections on the experience, did I reveal to the class that I had really gotten the 89.5. Afterward my English professor would write, “This was one of my favorite moments of last year, Jeff. Maybe best of all was the brilliant move to have the ending different than what actually happened in your life, and then reveal that ‘real’ ending in your comments. The entire room was transfixed by your revelation; I could feel it. You both criticized yourself and elevated yourself by so bravely doing that.”

The contrast between the two endings–the dream and the reality–underscored what my narrative project had made me realize was my only question: Had I overvalued perfection? Even if I had achieved the 99, would my 4.0 have been worth so much sacrifice?

I’ve asked a fair number of people over the past year what it means to be a gentleman, or what it means to be a lady. I compiled the better answers into a text file, and I think it’s time I posted it on the internet.

Let me know if you have any thoughts on this…

-Jeff Widman

———————————————————————————————-

<Begin copy/pasted text file>

These are most of the better responses I’ve heard in response to the two questions (generally posed to the opposite gender):
When answering these questions, it’s easier if you think in your head of a person or two who comes to mind when you think of a gentleman or a lady, and then analyze why they seem to be a gentleman or a lady.
What does the Bible say about these things?

What does it mean to be a gentleman?
————————————
A gentleman is a man–strong and a leader. Yet also gentle.
Strong hands–strength and hard-worker
Strong-willed–sticking to decisions, and not wavering, though teachable
Terry Smith once told me that he’d interacted with over a thousand men over the course of his business career, yet had met less then ten men who were truly “gentle”-”men.”
July Harmsworth (and several others since then)–”A gentleman is someone who respects my space.” (This seems to refer to both emotional and physical space.)
Allison K–”A gentleman is adventurous in a dangerous way.” (Seems reminiscent of CS Lewis’s description of Aslan: “He’s not a tame lion.”)
Many–A gentleman is aware of things to notice when to open the door, and other little things that show he cares.
Many girls–A gentleman is compassionate–truly caring about girls, but also about other men. He opens the door not to bring attention to himself as a gentleman, but because he truly cares enough to show respect.
Brittany Pinkey–”A gentleman not only helps a lady out, he also subltly communicates the he respects her ability to do things (she’s not helpless) even as he helps her out by holding open the door.”
Girls consistently reference the attitude behind as one of respect, and not so much the actual gestures, as simply the underlying attitude. Often a distinction is made between gentlemanly gestures, and a true gentleman.
Corrie Miksovsky–A gentleman listens when a lady wishes to talk.
Corrie Miksovsky–A gentleman is teachable.
Andrew Nelson–A gentleman has deep humility.

What does it mean to be a lady?
——————————-
Jeff Widman–A lady graciously allows herself to be helped, without being helpless. Not defensive about her power.
Proverbs 31:30–Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Michelle Widman–A lady is self-controlled to avoid any attempts to manipulate men and get their attention.
Elizabeth Elliot–A lady does not pursue men; she holds them at arm’s length.
Ruth in the Bible–made herself available, without necessarily pursuing
Jeff Widman–A lady respects my space, both physically (the crudest form of violation) but also emotionally.
Many–A lady has a sense of refined elegance, not weakness, but not manly power either–a delicacy in some ways.
Many–A lady is very hospitable.
Andrew Nelson–Modesty is really important for a lady; a modesty that understands beauty.

I haven’t posted here in a while, and my posting through the end of the calendar year will be rather sporadic. Originally I anticipated posting here quite often, but my new job as a Campus Christian Fellowship Intern (www.ccfministry.com) has kept me very busy. I’ve also been re-evaluating my purpose in posting here. Because of the public nature of blogging, and the intense relational time in my job, I can’t have the transparent internal processing I expected. A friend and co-worker of mine blogs regularly, and I hope to soon review the blogging process with him.
Anyway, I’d love to hear from you sometime; you can always send me an e-mail, or give me a call on my new cell phone: (360) 920-1023

Until I write again,

Jeff

-Elias Schwartz

Going through some old notes, and found this. Interesting given my earlier reminiscing regarding be on time, or say no and bear the consequences (even to school assignments if necessary.)

Matt Blumberg over at the OnlyOnce blog has a little more to say if you’re interested…

Spent two hours this past Tuesday listening to various student presentations in my Project Management class final.

A couple of highlights:

• Our group went first (random draw). I started us off with a 30-second intro retelling the advice of a friend: “Good judgement comes from experience… And experience comes from bad judgement.” Delivered properly, it normally draws a laugh, but all the other students were too nervous about their own upcoming presentation to laugh. So I simply continued on by explaining that when I’d first heard that, my immediate thought was: “Man, now I just have to go and make as many bad judgements as quickly as possible so that I can make good judgements.” However, after some continued thought, I realized that we can vicariously learn from other’s bad examples–the sobering corrolary is that they can learn just as easily from our poor decisions.
• A lot of Powerpoint clutter… too many nervous students just transcribed their words into bullet points and then wondered why everyone was so busy reading instead of listening.
• My group’s presentation went very smoothly–we initially started by spending an hour in front of a whiteboard outlining… everything went so much smoother because of that up-front planning time.
• A continual emphasis on the lack of project post-mortem policies. Aside from having a handy binder to help transform that client into a salesman, not making time to reflect on lessons learned means you’ll miss much of the potential to add to your experience…
• Mosaic company really caught my attention. Despite my inability to find their website, they are supposedly a little gem of a company started about ten years ago which now employs up to thirty-five people. They’ve never missed a deadline in their entire corporate history. Major accomplishment. Major selling point.
• Got me thinking about the importance of timeliness. People don’t care as much if you don’t do something, but if you do decide to try, they care if you’re late. Something I need to think about more as I sometimes commit to too many things and can’t get them all done in the required time frame.

Overall, well worth the two hours. The teacher, Dr. Peter Haug, is very, very good.

Much thanks to Robbie Harding from Parity Corporation for taking time to talk with us. Attached is our group paper that we wrote.

Despite being frenetically busy with school (tests, projects, homework, doom, gloom, etc), I was recently able to connect with a few old friends who I rarely see.

Really, really good times–encouraging, yet at the same time a deeper sense of affection that is only built through time.

Reminded me of the value of relationships; recently I heard a quote on the radio: “Relationships take priority over riches; people are more valuable than accomplishments.” While there is a balance here–accomplishments and riches do have value–it was an excellent reminder to me that sometimes hanging out with a friend is worth sacrificing a letter grade or opportunity to work.

BJ, Emily, and others… thanks for being my friends and making the effort to connect.

What do I want those words to say?

How do I make those words say what I want them to say? (Not worth a darn if they don’t say what I want them to say.)

Spent about a couple of hours last night thinking about the header image. This, along with my top navigation bar, are the first things people see… this is my chance to communicate what my blog is about.

It isn’t looking too smooth right now, but I’ll run it by a friend or two who have far better graphic design skills.

Free Advice: Failing to plan is planning to fail.

Last fall, when I was briefly contemplating graduating this spring and pursuing an accelerated 1-year MBA, I had the wonderful chance to call up a few older and wiser people I know and get their advice. While the advice was a rather resounding no (for good reasons), I also received some wonderful advice about education, the job market, and life in general.

Thanks so much you guys–Jason, Dave, Andy, Ilhyung, and others…

One of the succinct little nuggets was:
“Hard skills get you hired; soft skills (or lack thereof) get you fired.”

This is an excellent observation; the tricky part is determining how this should affect my actions–especially as I pick my classes.

Wrote a nice post last night about both my reasons for starting a blog, and my intended audience. However, sometime between when I pressed save and when the computer actually attempted to save, I lost it.

Still, the exercise was valuable to me in determining what I’ll post about, and what I won’t.

The gist of it all is that I intend to keep the focus of this blog rather narrow. I’ve decided that in an effort to provide value to the readers I’ll constrain my blog postings to the subject of life.

Actually, I’ve been thinking quite a lot about this lately. A reader’s time is important, and I don’t want to waste it with posts about my non-existant cat. (What Seth Godin rather appropriately terms a “My Cat” blog.)

However, as incomprehensible as this may seem to many, a blog is also about relationships. While blogs themselves may be one-way communication mediums, life provides a multiplicity of other ways for my readers to respond and interact with me, even without ever coming face to face.

My intended audience is:

• Those who know me already and want to keep up with what’s going on in my life
• Those who don’t know me, and want to know more about me because of an impending interaction of some form or other
• Those who don’t know me, and are mostly interested in my thoughts and their applicability to their own lives