Jeff Widman (.com)

[My apologies for the lack of artful brevity in this post. I'm just typing this one out on the fly.]

I met Rollan at Pub night–a weekly hang-out of twenty-something Christians in the Palo Alto area.  Rollan was a gregarious Asian, forty-six years old, divorced, with three kids. Despite his age, he occasionally dropped by, and I enjoyed chatting with him about the tech industry.

On Friday night, I invited myself over to Matt Jeffryes‘ house–and invited Rollan along. (Those of you who know me well, know that I have a penchant for bringing along a guest or two when I invite myself over.)

I also texted another friend, warning her: “We’d love to have you join us–if you wanna hang out with 3 single nerds/biz guys. Rollan’s telling stories of [Silicon Valley history]. We’re also discussing theology of work–so not your average Friday night group.”

She texted back: “I like it. I’m not into the average group thing. On my way over…”

My main memories from the evening:
(I don’t like to waste time on small talk, so we had a pretty straight up conversation.)

Asking Rollan his story.

Hearing him recount growing up as one of the first Asian kids in his area, attending Harvard, working as a trader on Wall Street, adventures traveling the world, getting married, coming out west, his life falling apart after the divorce, and the lifestyle changes he made.

“God took my idols–me wanting to make tons of money, because even when I made half-a-million-a-year that wasn’t enough–I wanted to make millions–that was my idol, and God ripped it down.”

Hearing him talk about wanting to always be there for his kids–and trying not to let them see how much he was hurting after the divorce–but knowing they “occasionally found me weeping in the closet.”

Hearing him talk about God providing the job at Yahoo: “I was running out of money, praying desperately for a job–when this came along. Sometimes a real snore, but it was what I needed–paid the bills and let me spend time with my kids.” Hearing his worries after being laid off, and his new job with The Conversation Group.

I remember reflecting on my own desperate desires to live a meaningful life, and how often I aligned accomplishments, or respect of thought leaders with a successful life.

I remember asking Rollan about his kids–after complaining that I never get to hang out with kids in the Valley. “Careful Jeff, or I might be asking you to come by and hang out with them sometime.” I responded “I just might be doin’ that Rollan.”

(In Bellingham, the Miksovsky family blessed me time and again with their open door policy–I could walk in the door, bellow “who wants to play basketball?” and immediately three or four of their kids [I think they've got eight--I lost count] would come running out.)

I remember telling Rollan, “Thanks for sharing this stuff–it’s a blessing to hear you call out the warnings from your life.”

Walking away from the evening impressed by how much smarter and more accomplished Rollan was then he normally let on, and by how honest and humble and broken he was. I remember telling Matt at the end of the night, “I want to learn those life-lessons, without making his mistakes.”

It was a fun night–the four of us, all comfortable being a little abnormal–sitting around talking about theology, our lives, stories, gay rights, software, etc.

Rollan’s lessons are particularly poignant because I’m in a time of transition.

After my TechCrunch internship ended, I feel my year-long foray into the tech industry is accomplished–plenty of open doors there–so I’m enjoying two weeks of planned reflection time. I’ve been asking my mentors and advisors, “During your times of transition, what questions guided your reflection?”

Five of the better answers:

• “Always ask yourself, is this a) the right opportunity, and b) the right time?” – Eric Mack
• Don’t ask “What challenge to go after?” instead ask “Who do I want to be?” – Andrew Nelson
• “When you die, how do you want each group of people–friends, family, co-workers–to remember you?” – Chuck Westbrook
• “Reflect on the past year–and all your varied experiences. What part of each one made you happy? Have the courage to pursue those types of things.” – Karl Klaesius
• “Jeff, you’re a connector and a leader. Change your question from  ‘How do I create lasting value?’ to ‘how do I set others free to create lasting value?’ ” – Prefers Anonymity
  

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This morning I awoke to a text message, “did you hear about rollan?”

Right afterward, I opened a friend’s e-mail with news of Rollan’s death.
(Currently, it seems we were the last to see him alive.)

Didn’t take long for the tears to start flowing.

In October, Matthew Scott interviewed me for his Men@Pause podcast series.

Don’t know that I’m a man at pause (especially given this tweet), but I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.  And it’s not every day you get interviewed by a former Psychological Warfare specialist and combat paratrooper!

The broad topic was Gen Y–specifics included:

• Distinctly generational definitions of success
• Why Gen Y prefers multiple mentors
• Generational expectations of online friendships
• Realizing the next generation is already beginning to differentiate themselves from Gen Y
• A brief recap of my summer adventures–and my upcoming TechCrunch internship (now complete–hope to blog more about that soon.)

Direct interview link.

In retrospect, I did an ok job.
Used too many “ums”, occasionally wandered all over the place, and bombed the last question. Perhaps more extensive mind-mapping would aid brevity. Certainly, next time I’ll enter an interview with two or three salient points I want to drive home–proactive, not just reactive.

On the positive side, there were a few good soundbites that came to me on the fly. And I realized I’m more comfortable than I expected.
(Matthew did a phenom job helping me relax–all that interrogation training. LOL!)

At least once a week someone asks me “How do I become a better networker?”

My opus on the subject.

As long as we live in a resource-constrained world (time, money, etc), we will create filters to separate the top-notch from the tolerable, the Thinkpad’s from the Acer’s, the Nunatak’s from the Campmor’s.

Most of these filters are intuitive, unconsciously acted upon.

I remember hearing a basketball referree, a seasoned college-level veteran, recount how crowds went from respectful to jeering when he let his hair grow long. (An amatuer thespian, the long hair was necessary for a community play.) No fan consciously thought, “an extra three inches of hair causes bad officiating”–they just knew the good refs kept their hair short.  Long hair signalled bad ref.

In The Dip, Seth Godin writes about living within a filtered world. It’s a fascinating book about “when to quit and when to stick.” One way to separate a dead-end from success-just-around-the-corner: look for “measurable progress.” Maybe you can’t see the end of the tunnel, but can you identify progress?

(There is a danger here. Gen Y grew up accustomed to accurate and constant feedback. In video games, I knew how much farther until the end of the level, and how many more hits until I died. As a result, we’re addicted to measuring progress.)

But what about when you’re the one creating the filters for other people?

You face this question whenever someone asks for lunch. Every time you hire someone. Every time you create a sales funnel. How do you decide the best use of your time?

My friend Ramit faced this question recently. He wanted to enable someone’s dream to make the world a better place. Someone with the capacity to dream big, and the tenacity to make it happen. Ultimately, he created a scholarship for a twenty-something. (Hurry, today’s the deadline to apply.)

Many people create useless speed bumps–obstacles, especially to test tenacity.

“Thanks for reaching out–really busy–ping me in two weeks.”

But what if you created a useful, self-selecting filter?
“Thanks for reaching out–so I don’t waste your time, can you e-mail me three questions you want to discuss?”

Something that requires thoughtful effort. But the effort actually creates value for the rest of the world.

A guy applying to Seth’s latest internship reached out to me for advice. I looked at what he’d created, gave him some advice, and noticed how consistently he created value.

So I offered him a chance to come on board with another project I’ve got (still in stealth mode).

Just last night he sent me another e-mail saying thanks. And all because Seth used a filter that created value BEYOND Seth.

My super-abstract rule for filtering people: Constrain the outcome, not the process. And make the outcome value-added even if they get turned down.

I’ll spare you the rant. But you must create useful filters, rather than useless speed bumps. Otherwise, you’ll get less than the best. Because the best are filtering you. If you waste their time now, how do they know you won’t waste their time later?

Copy the master: http://www.squidoo.com/Alternative-MBA and http://www.squidoo.com/summerintern08

Create a filter, not a hurdle.

(Hat tip to my lifecoach, Chuck Westbrook, who prompted me to think more about filters.)

A friend recently asked how to get her own domain name (I am shocked by how few people do this!):

if you’re a non-techie, this is the simplest way to get yourname.com…
(and retain a Gmail interface)

if you’re a techie…
(you wouldn’t ask)

if you’re heading into the job/contract market, you’d purchase hirefirstname.com…
(much harder to miss-spell if spoken in a voicemail)

This is the first, last, and only episode of the Gen Y Marketing Podcast.

In this twenty minute segment, I interview Charlie Hoehn & Aidan Nulman about:

• Interning for Seth Godin
• Listening to your audience versus doing what you think works
• Generation Y–what’s hype, what’s legit
• How they define marketing
• A bunch of other interesting stuff I can’t remember.

(Hat tip to Brian Russell for the great editing job!)

Download link.

The Gen Y Podcast saga was an adventure in learning by doing. I learned the importance of action–don’t sit and wait. Inevitably you’ll fail. You’ll learn. Then you’ll either kill the project or change it. And do it again. You can’t shortcut this process. At best, you can only pre-think 40% of the process.

I had the proper recipe–recording equipment, smart people, and a little bit of free time. But I was missing the critical ingredient–a problem worth solving. My intuitive side knew this. It hemmed & hawed. So I killed the idea.

Perhaps you’ll enjoy my original thesis:

There are over 100 million websites.

Unfortunately, an abundance of resources does not constitute a solution.

After a point, the proliferation of blogs, tweets, pages, and images actually inhibits problem-solving. Too much noise.

Thus Google rose to prominence. Soon the web hit 2.0, and search diversified into Technorati, YouTube favorites, and SimplyHired. A lot of hype.

But it was all a pull-model. And my on-demand searches still contain noise.

What if the next step is a push-model?

It only works if search is perfect. Search results delivering exactly what I want, when I want it. Nothing else. Otherwise the noise overwhelms me.

You see, wall-able content doesn’t happen everyday. And when it does, we want to know. But technology is limited. That’s why the SEO industry exists.

I wonder. If the next step in search isn’t about technology, but about refining our ability to sift through information. (My brain consistently generates better search terms than my parents.)

I wonder. If the next step hasn’t already happened.

If my generation searches information differently. Sees the world differently.

Generation Y.

Hype. Or truth? Join the conversation.

A friend recently asked about mentoring folks.

Here’s an e-mail I sent several months ago to a guy who is gradually becoming a mentor. We both wanted to make the relationship happen, but we also both lead very full lives.

Thanks for the offer to mentor me a little more–much appreciated and it didn’t slip my mind.
(Apologies if I explained this before.)
I distinguish between advisors, and mentors.
Advisors–generally topic specialists–answer my questions when I need help.
Mentors ask the questions I didn’t think to ask–or that I’m subconsciously avoiding…
You have to know a person to see these unasked/avoided questions. 
There’s a snag though–it takes time.
That’s why I have many advisors, and very few mentors (none right now–most mentors/disciplers prefer face-to-face, and I’m too transitory.)

I mentored four guys every school year the past four years, and we met 1-on-1 every week for an hour (only possible with a school schedule). I learned the value of consistently creating space–conversations happen.
If you’re interested, I’d suggest we commit to a half-hour chat bi-weekly through the end of the year. (Any mentor knows the rewards are high, but so is the commitment.)

If you’d rather stay an advisor than a mentor–that’s perfectly fine… 
(The last thing I want is you saying yes if you’re not interested.)
Jeff

(Title format derived from SAT analogies–it must be PSAT time because this post is drawing over half my traffic.)

When it comes to life, you certainly get your money’s worth!

-Karl Klaesius (friend & mentor)

Life is full.
Of opportunities.
For success. Or failure.
But most often. Simply distraction.

A particular quote keeps showing up in my life:

Be prepared for success.

-Steve Brock (at a KIROS breakfast)

Steve tells this to his clients all the time. So often, they prep for failure–emotionally, architecturally, and financially. Not a bad thing. But they fail to prep for success. So do we.

With success comes attention… and distractions.
But the people who consistently accomplish remain focused on the fundamentals. They do, rather than talk.

Recently, I brainstormed how to leverage some unique relationships I’d built–but I kept running into a brick wall. Eventually, I wordsmithed my own memorable quote:

An abundance of resources does not constitute a solution.

Aidan explains more.

When it comes to social media best practices, I’ve been tempted to think that meeting more people (face-to-face, phone, or Facebook) automagically solves problems. I’ve learned it automatically creates distractions.

Sometimes, preparing for success means learning to politely say no. Even in social media.

(Charlie, you better start practicing!)

Two days ago, my sister and I were talking over the phone:

"Jeff, I’m going to these parties with our highschool friends, and they all ask about you. [Thanks guys!] I try to explain, only I’m not really sure… What is TechStars and what are you doing there?"

Well Michelle, here’s the answer.

(Thanks to our director, the incredible Andrew Hyde–only one hour and two takes!)

Marketing is a delicate craft.
A rhythmic balance between planning and executing.

There are overnight growth wonders.
(The hockey stick pattern–think Twitter.)

But creating a world-class product cannot happen overnight.
By definition. It takes time, user-testing, iterations.
(How many generations of iPod Nano’s?)

Truly, it is a journey of a thousand miles.
Launch. A little off beat. Improve. Now.

These are excellent first steps. (Sometimes the first step is easy. Sometimes not.)

• <Pause> How are you adding value for your users?
• Focus on substance, then style. Over the past few weeks, I’ve critiqued TechStars investor pitches. As a student of Garr Reynolds, I’m quick to watch slide design, smiling, and body-movements (Never move without a purpose. Never hold still without a purpose.) But listening to David Cohen give feedback taught me to listen for the underlying story-line before worrying about the delivery. (Thanks David!)
• Speaking of listening, lately I’ve noticed brilliant people spouting off a lot of smart ideas. But relatively few have the wisdom and self-control to listen thoroughly, before giving advice. While the shotgunners are valuable advisors, the snipers are true gold.
• Tap into the brainstorming power of millions–a Flickr search I ran for a new project surprised me with the apparent lack of brand potential.
• Do you know how to quickly make it easy for customers to find you? (SEO for podcasts.) When people link to other sites, they often use the site’s name. The words people use when linking to you factors heavily into the Google algorithm. For an upcoming project, I used this social engineering factoid to pick a brand/domain name.

"Do more. Faster." — Painted above David Cohen’s office doorway.

Now.